I am always amazed at how one interaction can just get you for the day - for the good or the bad. Yesterday I had a few interactions with my students that left me with my blood boiling. I was ready to start throwing punches or throw the students out the window, I was seriously considering both options. But I attempted to hold it in. The two things that I can't handle are outright disrespect and outright lying. Yesterday I was so lucky to experience both. It makes me so sad to see kids at this age make choices that I know will lead to more serious bad choices. I don't understand what there is to gain over lying about small and insignificant things - or yelling at your teacher as she tries to approach you about something that you did during class.
Today was a much better day, the next day always seems to feel this way. Although my pathological liar is still a liar, I am trying to find ways to deal with it and reinforce honesty whenever I can. My disrespectful student, I realized last night, will be disrespectful to me and every other adult in his life, whether I like it or not. So what do I do? I pray for patience to get me through these next three months. I pray not just for patience, but for good interactions with these kids as well because that's why I teach, right? I teach because I like to feel like I'm making a difference - and maybe the only difference I can make will be brought about by my not giving up on them.
I remember talking to my brother TJ, who was also a teacher, about a particularly difficult student I had my first year teaching. I was so caught up in helping this student and trying to change him that I was seriously getting upset. Nothing I did changed this student or the way he reacted toward school or me. As I explained the situation to my brother, he reminded me that not even Christ could save everyone. Yes, he offered the atonement which is the tool. But each person has the opportunity to accept that gift and return with him or to reject that gift. Christ will not force our obedience, he will only lovingly show us the way and wait for us with open arms. That has always stuck with me. I couldn't force this student to try, I couldn't force him to like me or see what a dedicated teacher I was trying to be to him. I did all I could do, and the choice now sat with him.
I find myself remembering that student now as I sit in a classroom with four or five more just like him. I can sit and complain about how horrible it is that they won't shape up, or I can provide continued opportunities for them to shape up and do things right, and not take it so personally. Even more important - I can love them and try to pick out the good in them. Easier said than done.
3 comments:
You're amazing Pa. Love your guts!
Good luck with your efforts. It sounds like the kids are lucky to have you.
The trick is NOT to take it personally. So often we confront individuals or situations that conflict with our sensitive spiritual nature, or seem to represent a direct attack on our character. This happens in all walks of life, not just teaching. At those times, it helps me to go to my knees to receive my validation and reinforcement from the only source that completely understands me and my intentions. It doesn't change the situation, but it changes my attitude as I face the situation. You are an incredible teacher, Trisha. I can assure you that you are touching these students for the good. It may not be evidenced this school year, but the memories of your patience and interaction with them will help reshape them into responsible citizens as they come "face to face" with that image in the mirror and decide to make changes in their lives. Hang in there and just love them.
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