Is "reminiscings" a word? Well it is now. Definition: the memories one thinks about when in the act of reminiscing.
Ok, now that's out of the way. The past few days I have been reflecting on where my life is, where it was, and where it is going. You don't want to have too many of these days in a row because it starts to hurt your head. It's been good for me though. I spent about an hour the other night reading back through my journal, and it got me thinking about change and progress. I am so thankful that my life has moved forward, that I have changed personally, and that I actually view life differently than I did before.
I've always felt like I end up in the same spot over and over again, never learning from my mistakes and experiences. But as I reread some of these entries, I realized that I actually have learned from my mistakes. I approach certain situations with more caution and reservation than I did in the past. On the other side of that, I recognize things that I would overlook previously. I'm being vague, I know, but I don't know how else to describe it. In my past, I have always been so afraid of what comes next. It always scared me that I have no real control over the things that happen to me in my life. Yes, I can put myself into position, but I can't stop what comes at me after that point. I have learned to relish and enjoy this piece of life. It's exciting to know that anything could happen. I think this change in thought has a lot to do with how much my testimony has grown in recent years. My faith has become solidified in the fact that I am led and looked after by a Being that loves me and takes personal stock in my happiness. This realization coupled with the fact that I trust in my Heavenly Father and want to return to be with him, has made all the difference. My decisions aren't scary anymore.
I remember talking to my dad when I was trying to decide what to do after graduating from BYU. I remember feeling so much fear about making the wrong decision. It was almost paralyzing in that I was so afraid of making the wrong decision, that I wasn't making any decision. He said something to me that I will never forget. He told me that the only wrong decision I could make would be a decision that would take me farther away from what I know to be true and right. One that would put a distance between me and my Savior. He reminded me that there are probably many places I could choose to go and things I could choose to do that would be considered "right", and that this was the beauty of agency. I have never forgotten that, and as I made my decision to move to Boston and watched how my life continued to move forward and my testimony continued to deepen . . . I have realized how true that is.
3 comments:
WOW- Words of Trisha...very inspiring. i think you will find that that fear comes and goes...it does to me, but no matter what, as you said, you are always led where you should be...but it's only normal to feel fear of what is to come. Good for you for realizing there is no reason to fear when you look at it in the BIG picture. I'm pretty freaked out about the upcoming steps in my own life, but there is a weird peace that it will all be ok...I know you know what I am talking about. But i wish you were here in person to chat it up. Bed rest sucks. i wish i had someone to laugh and fart with.
Trisha--thanks for this post. It touched on MUCH of what's been on my mind the past few days... it was inspired and inspiring. Just like you. :) But really, thank you. I loved what your dad said about wrong decisions. Ahhh, the familiar ring of truth. Thanks again dear for sharing a bit of your heart and mind with the cyberworld.
Word.
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